"hey...it's daddy." March 18

Those words...huge tears rolled down my cheeks and answered "Hey...hi DAD" ...

speechless
motionless

that time..holding the phone...i was filled with joy and sorrow. Ironic though, joy coz hey! I have a dad =) Sorrow..for it was only a telephone conversation.

It was about 7pm..THAT PHONE NUMBER appeared in my cp..I wasnt familiar with the number ..i didn't expect a call from him AFTER 4 YEARS (almost) haaaix... katabi ko pa mom ko nun..she cried with me. So aun..we were talking and telling short stories. I asked him if he could come on my GRADUATION DAY, all he said was "titignan ko..." So ok..i won't expect. anyway he would go if he's free.

What made me sad was, he was about to go home (to his place of course). He said bye. I said "bye.." sabay *sigh* I got numb. I didn't get to tell him how much i missed him. basta binaba ko nlng ung phone. I sent him a message though..sana nabasa nya un.

I'm not sure if im ready to see him. Feeling ko, maninibago ako..mahihiya..weird.

I used to hate him for leaving us (my mum and I). But now, I still love him I still miss him I still worry about him...and i didn't even get to tell him those words, "I love you dad..." ='(

something to think about...

I was browsing thru all the literaries that was sent to us by our EIC here in our school. Im one of our school's magazine layout artist...i happened to see and read this LITERARY written by a Marian codename FALLENSAINT.

Here's the literary...try and read it somehow touched me.

PS: a GUY wrote this literary..so HELLO to the guys out there. (haha)

BLANK NIGHT SKY
Fallensaint

I’ve lost track of time while staring at this blank night sky for hours. Then suddenly, a wave of thought occurred in me. “What the hell is wrong with me? I can’t see clearly!” Everything went blurred. I closed my eyes and I felt a drop of liquid in my hands. I opened my eyes to see if it’s raining. It isn’t. “God. Am I really this stupid? Not even realizing that I’m already crying over spilled milk…”

If I haven’t done these crazy things to her, I will not be spending my night like this. If I haven’t been the most stupid and greediest person alive, I will not be spending my night like this. If I only shut my mouth before it released unfathomable words, I will not be spending my night like this. If I could just lover her like the way she loves me, she will not be spending a worse night than this.

When will my stupidity ever end? Is there anything that I’ve done right? Or more than that, is there anything left for me to do it right? I keep on telling her that I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done. I know that it is not even good enough to be called as “the right thing”, but it’s the most of what I can do. I want her to be better. I want her to heal. I want her to find the remedy for the sickness I’ve cost her. ‘Cause it’s piercing my heart to see that she’s crying and it breaks my heart completely when I see her crying because of me. I don’t want to see her that way. But I can’t even comfort her. ‘Cause if I do, I will just make the fire bigger. So that’s it. That’s the only thing I can do. To want and hope that someday, she’ll be as good as her former self. To hope that someday, she’ll find a better man. Someone who’ll never make her cry and love her unlike what I did. Though I’m not sure I want that to happen. Still, I hope it will. Because that’s the only way left in this. For her to forget me and be happy. I can’t stand hurting her again. I can’t.

Every sleepless night that passes my life, I’m wishing that I can take away all things back. I’m wishing that a magic rewind button exists right in front of me and I’ll gladly push it. ‘Cause I don’t want to lose her. All my memories with her are priceless. I want to add more happy memories with her. So why did I let her go if I love her? I’m not the right man for her. She deserves someone better and since the world begun, I’m a loser. That’s why I can’t do anything but to stare at this blank night sky for hours.

Nice noh? I wasn't aware that there are GUYS who realizes their fault/s. It's a good thing this guy tries to cope up and express his insights and feelings thru writing. Well...I just hope when the layout artists staff (with me of course =) ) finishes this EDITING thingy---the girl would come to know how this guy loves/loved her. =)

Something to think about.

saturday night...?

oh gawd...its been a month or two already since i lost my internet connection = ( i miss writing about different events and my thoughts, opinions, etc.

so..guys..zup? i missed you *hugs

Last Saturday, we had our CAT evaluation sa school...MP Girls ako...so aun..we we're the only sp. platoon there who got a perfect score! (good for us...MP Boys werent sabay sabay....haha!) so aun...supposedly 5pm out nmin sa school...O.T kami hangang 6pm so UNFORTUNATELY i didn't get to go to AUDI's EVENT SEASON 2...T_T *cries

oh well...so i just went to my club's (AUDI BABIES) venue...which was in novaliches. overnyt un but i didnt get to sleep much...which sucked...haha! good thing -B-carwash aka justin was there..and he definitely served as my pillow that day! haha xD (panu kase...puno sa loob ng house kaya i preferred to take a nap nalang). That day was just OKAY..or so-so....i didn't have much fun though there werent much activities. I did missed alot of my clubmates and other audistas who werent there in the venue..CLOUD9, SAKURA, FREAKZ, and alot of OTHER FORUMERS.

My bad i didn't get to meet them T_T

Looking on the brighter side...there's still DOMINATION 3....definitely i'll be there..

so see you guys! =)